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#27989 - 08/13/04 05:23 PM Re: Adult Student Dilemna- HELP!
playsteinway Offline
Resident Member

Registered: 07/26/04
Posts: 232
Loc: Mason, Michigan
Well here's the follow up gang.
Im baffled too by this whole thing. About being scheduled after someone she said (and in front of my new students) "Im not coming after them now am I?" It was'nt until she left she made a big fuss about a back to back schedule. The rudeness was intolerable and the new family even emailed me later asking if she was mentally stable or not. I told them I did'nt think so and that she was'nt going to be a problem since I terminated her.

She emails today and I quote from her email "unless Im mistaken with your notice my lessons are over and there won't be any more" I emailed back and told her "no mistake" and then blocked her from my email.

I figured there would be a bigger fuss over it, but nothing much ( I hope). The way I see it is one unstable and anger prone student vs. one or two that are great to work with the anger prone student is outta there...

Unfortunately I don't think she realizes what a rude and angry person she really is and how unstable she presents herself to others.

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#27990 - 08/16/04 07:23 AM Re: Adult Student Dilemna- HELP!
xstitch4me Offline
Star Member

Registered: 08/15/04
Posts: 2167
Loc: Idaho
Please don't think I'm rude....but I'm new here and was just reading all this hoopla about the adult piano student. I'm baffled this took so long to end. It would only take one lesson for me to say - hit the road. My time is too valuable to waste on someone like this. Not only that, but it's a slot that can be used for someone positive with whom you can have a very positive experience with. Some people are just rude - no matter the situation and it's not our job to figure them out. If you baby sat...and had a kid who on the very first day was biting other kids, hitting them, breaking things in your house, etc.....how long would you let it go on? I have no tolerance for people like that. Good riddance to them!

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#27991 - 08/16/04 03:56 PM Re: Adult Student Dilemna- HELP!
playsteinway Offline
Resident Member

Registered: 07/26/04
Posts: 232
Loc: Mason, Michigan
You also need to give people benefit of the doubt. A biting child is not the same as a rude adult. While the first time may have been a bad day, the other instances did not go unmentioned to the student about her language and rudeness. I work on the three strikes and your outta here system- whether an adult or kid- and therefore, bounced her at strike three.

Had she pulled her tantrum like she did in front of the new students earlier on she would have been gone then regardless because I find that intolerable and unacceptable from an adult.

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#27992 - 08/17/04 08:55 AM Re: Adult Student Dilemna- HELP!
playsteinway Offline
Resident Member

Registered: 07/26/04
Posts: 232
Loc: Mason, Michigan
More updates.. let the backlash begin...
Got another email from the student in question wanting more details on why she was removed from my studio.

I put it to her simply without specifics- she comes to lessons angry all the time and has a bad attitude about doing anything since she does'nt seem to enjoy this anymore.

I gave her some sources to find new teachers through in her area should she choose to continue. Whether she will or not is up to her but I don't think any teacher will put up with the attitude for very long though.

As far as Im concerned I have fulfilled my obligations and done my final duty as her teacher and therefore blocked her addresses from my email servers and site. If she calls my house she can deal with my voice mail because I have washed my hands of her. Its not worth the confrontation she is trying to push.

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#27993 - 08/17/04 09:41 AM Re: Adult Student Dilemna- HELP!
Carole Offline
Star Member

Registered: 06/08/00
Posts: 2229
Loc: southern California
Oh, I feel for you. You have done the right thing and made it clear why you have stopped lessons with her. I hope she will accept it, move on and not harrass you. Keep us updated.

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#27994 - 08/17/04 03:26 PM Re: Adult Student Dilemna- HELP!
playsteinway Offline
Resident Member

Registered: 07/26/04
Posts: 232
Loc: Mason, Michigan
Carole,
If only it were that easy. I got this letter in the mail today about lessons being cancelled with her all about why and when her last lesson really is.
I emailed her AGAIN sending a copy of what I all ready sent earlier. (see my previous post).
You would think she would get this all ready and quit sending me this dumb stuff.. I mean really, what am I going to do with it except throw it out? She put about 1.50 worth of stamps on it for a 1 page letter. Go figure.
Oh well, hopefully that is the last I hear from her. Glad I don't have to put up with "I'll huff and I'll puff and I'll blow your piano down" anymore at lessons! :0)
Kelly , Michigan (Playsteinway)

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#27995 - 08/17/04 06:17 PM Re: Adult Student Dilemna- HELP!
unreal Offline
Mainstay Member

Registered: 06/23/03
Posts: 945
Loc: CA
I think you need to stop interacting with her at all. Do not speak with her any more, do not mail her anything else, do not email her. Keep everything you have so far, and anything else you receive, drop it unopened into a file for future use in case you need to call the police and go after her for harassment or file a restraining order, or in case she sues you for some ridiculous thing. You never know if someone will be dangerous or not--as you said, she may be mentally unstable.

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#27996 - 08/30/04 06:22 AM Re: Adult Student Dilemna- HELP!
playsteinway Offline
Resident Member

Registered: 07/26/04
Posts: 232
Loc: Mason, Michigan
I think after the past week I am going to consider not taking adults anymore. I had a lady call me the other day that made me want to slam my head into my piano lid!
She calls, all ready having had two years of lessons with another teacher in S. Korea. (no problems so far) and tells me she wants an hour long lesson TWICE A WEEK. (ok, so I do technique and piece elements one lesson and theory and sight reading the next so we have plenty of time). Then she informs me that I am going to come to her because she has a piano at her house. She lives 10 minutes from me and I told her flat out I don't travel to students homes. She kept insisting she has a piano at her house. I finally gave up in frustration and asked her what she thought I taught on here and hung up. ARRRRGHHH!
The thing that drives me nuts is she is serious about wanting someone to do this... NO ONE in my area travels to their students. It is an understood here in the great chilly north that you make the hike yourself.
I don't really want a response, just a chance to vent a little at the absurdity.

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#27997 - 08/30/04 08:07 AM Re: Adult Student Dilemna- HELP!
Jalapeņa Offline
Star Member

Registered: 02/20/03
Posts: 1143
Loc: New Mexico
You did the right thing.

I personally don't use the "3 strikes" thing on anybody, child or adult. It only takes one bad encounter for me to dismiss a student, because I simply don't feel that I'm obligated to deal with such abusive behavior. It's my studio, in my home, & I'm the teacher. I treat my students & their parents with utmost tact & respect, & I expect them to treat me the same way.

I no longer teach adults, though, because they rarely or never practice & the women refuse to cut their fingernails. Also, I don't feel comfortable teaching men, especially if my husband's not home, so it's best to just stick to teaching children & tell everyone that I don't teach adults.

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#27998 - 08/30/04 02:36 PM Re: Adult Student Dilemna- HELP!
Deborah T. Freeman Offline
Contributing Member

Registered: 08/22/01
Posts: 32
Loc: South Carolina
My opinion is not to categorize a particular group based on gender or age, just because we have a couple of bad experiences.

Would we stop teaching boys because one didn't practice enough?
Would we stop teaching teenage girls because one wouldn't cut her fingernails.

I think each student deserves a chance to prove him/her self without preconceived ideas.

[ 08-30-2004: Message edited by: Deborah T. Freeman ]

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