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#24504 - 06/02/04 12:06 PM Re: How to handle THIS situation?
Vivace' Offline
Star Member

Registered: 05/25/01
Posts: 1717
Loc: USA
Adrienne,
I've enjoyed hearing everyone's thoughts too.
You're doing great!

I'm the one with the problem \:\) Remember, I woke up during the night thinking about a student I didn't even know....... :rolleyes:
_________________________
Then let us all do what is right, strive with all our might toward the unattainable, develop as fully as we can the gifts God has given us,and never stop learning." ~ Ludwig van Beethoven

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#24505 - 06/02/04 12:08 PM Re: How to handle THIS situation?
unreal Offline
Mainstay Member

Registered: 06/23/03
Posts: 945
Loc: CA
These people may not continue with piano lessons at all. The mom was already hyperventilating from anxiety at the mere thought of it. If they do come crawling back sometime in the future, you can always reconsider...maybe at some point the "mom", oops, I mean the "child," really WILL be "ready" for ALL the wonderful opportunities you offer. Meanwhile you have just saved yourself a whole lotta grief.

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#24506 - 06/02/04 12:23 PM Re: How to handle THIS situation?
AdrienneM Offline
Resident Member

Registered: 04/28/01
Posts: 317
Loc: Kentucky, USA
I do know that this parent has enrolled her daughter in several activities (including violin and French) only to pull her out of them because of the "expectations."

Incidentally, this is an extremely gifted and intelligent 7-year-old. She reads at probably a 6th grade level already and I know that she skipped first grade. Why did the parent go along with THAT? My brother skipped 1st grade and after that was down on schooling entirely, to the point that he has gone back to college 3 or 4 times only to finally decide to forget it.

Interesting, eh? I'm sure there are some clues here that I am not processing, and who knows what else we don't know. Bummer that we'll never know, but it is kind of 'fun' (in a sick, twisted way) to ponder the possibilities. Shame on me.

Still, piano isn't the cause of her stress.
_________________________
Private Piano Instructor in Lexington, Kentucky
http://perpetualpiano.blogspot.com
http://www.pianolex.com

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#24507 - 06/03/04 02:27 AM Re: How to handle THIS situation?
pskim Offline
Regular Member

Registered: 05/18/01
Posts: 96
AdrienneM

I'm sorry that you have to go through this kind of situation. I'm so glad that I don't live in the States anymore and teach in Japan. I had never had any experiences like you, which the odd of happening in Japan is very unlikely.

Teachers are regarded highly here and parents leave the teaching to the teachers and they stay out of our business, most of the time.

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#24508 - 06/03/04 08:24 AM Re: How to handle THIS situation?
Lilla Offline
Star Member

Registered: 10/30/00
Posts: 1573
Loc: Chicago
I think your decision is right in line and your actions satisfactory, except -- I don't believe all the explanation is necessary. You shouldn't be made to feel so defensive. "I will not be continuing with this student due to incompatible expectations. Good-bye and Good luck. Period."

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#24509 - 06/03/04 09:02 AM Re: How to handle THIS situation?
Visualjoan Offline
New Member

Registered: 01/02/04
Posts: 11
Loc: Reston, VA
I find it highly inappropriate for the mother to convey her message through e-mail instead of face to face. She not only suffers from anxiety but is also a coward. Personally, I don't think a child's future should be determined by her performing in receitals or the Guild, if that is her choice, but NO ONE can tell you how to teach. It is fine when a parent expresses concern for their child's welfare but that was obviously not the case here.

Having a bright child is a huge responsibility and each parent reacts differently to it. Being a new mother with a two year old, I am constantly aware how parents create barriors in the child's development. Children make the best leaders. Parents are there to make sure the children don't hurt themselves or others.

It was good you dropped the student.

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#24510 - 07/28/04 07:15 PM Re: How to handle THIS situation?
playsteinway Offline
Resident Member

Registered: 07/26/04
Posts: 232
Loc: Mason, Michigan
I agree with those people telling you to drop this student.
NO PARENT has the right to tell you how to run your studio.
Their questions and concerns should not be ignored when they are legitimate by any means but these people are over the top! I fee sorry for the teacher who does get her next and has to put up with this because like alot of us in here I WOULDNT.
Good luck to you.


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#24511 - 07/30/04 09:44 PM Re: How to handle THIS situation?
playsteinway Offline
Resident Member

Registered: 07/26/04
Posts: 232
Loc: Mason, Michigan
Being a graduate of teachers college with a masters degree one of the classes I took - class room management- we actually spent a week learning different ways to say insulting things and come across like cream and sweet sugar to the parents and kids. I thought I would post a few here just for some laughs and general information sharing.
Some of them that I remember and still use:

What To Say:
At this time the student does not meet the goals required for promotion, however, with some more review and practice they can at a later date.
What you really mean:
Your kid is a prat who never practices and therefore needs to get off their butt and learn responsibility.

What to say:
The student is a joy to teach, however, we need to work on remaining on task during lessons when not performing weekly pieces.
What you mean:
Your kid is a pain in the butt and does not listen to anything I say. Teach them some discipline and respect for cryin out loud.

What to say:
Parents are reminded that lesson payments are due at the first lesson of each month for the entire month.
What you mean:
I can't live on air and water. I need to be paid.. hello,I don't do this for free!
I think back to idiot things people do and remember one student situation that I am still shocked over..and it was a parent that did this, not the kid. About three years ago I took on a new student. I had just met my husband at that time. Any how, the student comes to the first lesson with the father.We had all ready done the initial interview and had the paper work I needed all set, so I answered the door, shook the fathers hand and introduced myself in person this time and welcomed the student into the music room. I have always provided a sitting area in my living room and music area for parents while they wait. I motioned to the couch and told the father he was welcome to stay and to make himself at home. He took me literally- too literally. I started the lesson and half way through I notice dad was missing from the living room. I asked the student "where did dad go?" the student said "Im not sure." This head pokes back into the living room plate in hand and the dad asking "do you have any mayo?" -He was in my kitchen making a sandwich and helping himself to my wine coolers! I was floored.
I suddenly in all my cunning wit got a brilliant idea and played along. I said, no but there is miracle whip on the fridge door.
I went back to the lesson, a little shocked but with scheme in mind and finished. I went over the assignment list for the coming week and made sure the student did'nt have any last minute questions. She did'nt and I told her I would see her next week and that she had done a really nice job. Dad comes in finishing off his sandwich and asked what the months bill came to (lessons were due that day). I smiled and said, oh, let me get you a receipt. I picked up my receipt pad and began to write the following :

Lessons May 4 lessons 65.00
Books, level 4 25.00
1 wine cooler 3.50
1 sandwich with cheese 6.00
I presented the bill to him and he paid it- sandwich and all without question. I also reminded them before leaving that I was not accustomed to feeding my clients during lessons. He got the point, but mom brought her from then on.
Sorry so long, but thought you might like the chuckle.

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#24512 - 07/30/04 10:44 PM Re: How to handle THIS situation?
Carole Offline
Star Member

Registered: 06/08/00
Posts: 2229
Loc: southern California
I have never had this happen to me (the dad and the sandwich) and honestly would be appalled if it did. My teaching space is my living room (the only downstairs room-I live in a tri-level house). I get antsy when kids go to the bathroom on the middle floor. I can not imagine anyone going thru my home and getting so personal. I would flip out!!!!!You certainly handled it professionally. I am somewhat of a weenie ;\) but I think I would have told that guy off!

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