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#22557 - 02/24/02 04:47 PM Re: Misc. Quotes (Any Topic)
Rhapsody Offline
Star Member

Registered: 11/19/00
Posts: 2329
"You might be a REDNECK if....You have a close relative named Cletus."

Oh, NO! \:o
_________________________
There is no cure for boring.

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#22558 - 02/26/02 07:53 PM Re: Misc. Quotes (Any Topic)
Rhapsody Offline
Star Member

Registered: 11/19/00
Posts: 2329
"We're all human, don't embarrass the rest of us."
_________________________
There is no cure for boring.

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#22559 - 02/28/02 12:24 PM Re: Misc. Quotes (Any Topic)
Jalapeņo Offline
Star Member

Registered: 11/04/00
Posts: 5712
There is a memorable saying in Roman dialect that can be used for food or for friends--Parla come mangi--"speak as you eat" or, as we say in Texas, don't be so highfalutin, give it to me straight, just as straight as your fork goes to your mouth. And it is a universal truth that Italian food is about as direct and full of truth as food can get.

Source: Suzanne Dunaway, Texas native, co-owner (with her husband) of Buona Forchetta Handmade Breads www.buonaforchetta.com in Los Angeles, & author of No Need to Knead: Handmade Italian Breads in 90 Minutes.

[ February 28, 2002: Message edited by: Jalapeņo ]

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#22560 - 03/03/02 03:17 PM Re: Misc. Quotes (Any Topic)
Jalapeņo Offline
Star Member

Registered: 11/04/00
Posts: 5712
So as not to ruin anyone's appetite over in the bread thread, I'm posting this quote over here:

Gold rush hopefuls, eventually nicknamed "sourdoughs," in the old West used to spit in their starters to give them a boost! I do not suggest this! (Suzanne Dunaway, No Need to Knead: Handmade Italian Breads in 90 Minutes)

Here's a funny one:

No diet will remove all the fat from your body because the brain is entirely fat. Without a brain, you might look good, but all you could do is run for public office. (George Bernard Shaw)

[ March 03, 2002: Message edited by: Jalapeņo ]

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#22561 - 03/10/02 04:40 PM Re: Misc. Quotes (Any Topic)
dlinder Offline
Mainstay Member

Registered: 03/11/01
Posts: 689
Loc: Ohio
Apparently a number of years ago, a statue of Houdini was stolen from his gravesite here in NY. On Friday, a newscaster was reporting on the arrest of the thief.
"The bust of the great musician Harry Houdini was recovered...."

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#22562 - 03/10/02 06:02 PM Re: Misc. Quotes (Any Topic)
Shirley Offline
Resident Member

Registered: 03/02/02
Posts: 309
Loc: Denver, Colorado
"There's a thin person inside screaming to get out, but I keep her sedated with chocolate."
---Plaque in my kitchen

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#22563 - 03/11/02 01:40 PM Re: Misc. Quotes (Any Topic)
dlinder Offline
Mainstay Member

Registered: 03/11/01
Posts: 689
Loc: Ohio
\:D \:D \:D \:D \:D \:D

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#22564 - 03/31/02 12:45 PM Re: Misc. Quotes (Any Topic)
Jalapeņo Offline
Star Member

Registered: 11/04/00
Posts: 5712
"Never take anybody's advice." - George Bernard Shaw

There's something the technicians need to learn from the artists:
if it isn't aesthetically pleasing, it's probably wrong. - Unknown

"Don't worry about people stealing your ideas. If your ideas are
any good, you'll have to ram them down people's throats."
- Howard Aiken

"Forget the Alamo" - final line of John Sayles' Lone Star

"Digital by day, analog by night." - Gail Dengel

"The greatness of a nation can be judged by the way its
animals are treated." - Mahatma Gandhi

"Wit is educated insolence." - Aristotle (284-322 B.C.)

"What am I on? I'm on my bike six hours a day. What are you on?"
- Lance Armstrong

"Science is an art, not a science."

"Those who can make you believe absurdities can make you commit
atrocities." - Voltaire

"A positive attitude may not solve all your problems, but it will
annoy enough people to make it worth the effort." - Herm Albright

"I'm not wringing my hands, I'm drying my nails!" - Margaret Atwood

"If the automobile had followed the same development cycle as the
computer, a Rolls-Royce would today cost $100, get a million miles
per gallon, and explode once a year, killing everyone inside."
Robert X. Cringely

"There arises from a bad and unapt formation of words
a wonderful obstruction to the mind." - Francis Bacon

The story goes that a [Russian?] mathematician, suspecting that
the government bakery was fraudulently baking undersized loaves,
began weighing his weekly bread ration. The result was a normal
distribution with a mean that was significantly lower than the
official quota, and so he challenged the bakery. Thereafter, the
mathematician received only loaves that were greater than or
equal to the quota. However, his new distribution of loaves
resembled the tail of a normal distribution which was still
centered below the quota, and he was able to use this as evidence
to challenge the bakery again.

"No matter how thin you slice it it's still baloney."
- Rube Goldberg

"Next year a new one will come out called `Internet Barbie,'
which is really a fat guy claiming to be a hot blonde." - Bill Maher

"Drawing on my fine command of language,
I said nothing." -- Robert Benchley

"Think galactically, act globally." - Bob Benjamin, astronomer

"There are two major products that come out of Berkeley: LSD and UNIX.
We don't believe this to be a coincidence." - Jeremy S. Anderson

Remember - The penalty for bigamy is two wives !!

"We all agree that your theory is crazy, but is it crazy enough?"
- Niels Bohr, Nobel physicist, founder of quantum theory

"If you will just start with the idea that this is a hard world,
it will all be much simpler." -- Louis Brandeis

I like a Blackpool breakfast, me - 20 ciggies and a pot of tea.
Lilly Savage

MEN WHO
HAVE TO
TRAVEL LIGHT
FIND THE
35 CENT TUBE
JUST RIGHT
Burma-Shave

A woman can even become a Buddha, but for that she must
first come back as a man. - from Beyond Rangoon

"You can't go around building a better world for people. Only
people can build a better world for people. Otherwise it's
just a cage." -- (Terry Pratchett, Witches Abroad)

"Sometimes I think the surest sign that intelligent life exists
elsewhere in the universe is that none of it has tried to contact
us!" - Calvin & Hobbes

"A Canadian is someone who knows how to make love in a canoe"

"Just remember, in 10 years no one will care. In fact most
people probably don't care right now." -- Conrad E. Muller

"Praise the beautiful for their intelligence and the intelligent
for their beauty." -- Casanova

"Education is a wonderful thing. If you couldn't sign
your name you'd have to pay cash." - Rita Mae Brown

It's always darkest before you step on the cat.

"The Net interprets censorship as damage and routes around it"
- John Gilmore

"I was raised to be charming, not sincere."
-- Cinderella's Prince, "Into the Woods"

"Computer experts vastly underestimate the time required to
beat the World Champion. Chess experts, on the other hand,
vastly overestimate the time involved" [Hans Berliner, 1988]

Whenever you see food beautifully arranged on a plate, you know
someone's fingers have been all over it. -- Julia Child

"It's never too late to have a happy childhood" - Cutter John, Bloom County

You're one in a million. Which means there are about a thousand
people just like you somewhere in China.

"Doing STRANGE THINGS in the name of ART, and STRANGER
THINGS in the name of CHOCOLATE." - Christina M. Callihan

"You aren't free because you CAN choose -
only if you DO choose."

He's a born-again Christian. The trouble is, he suffered brain
damage during rebirth. --Anonymous

"The church is a hospital for sinners, not a club for saints."

"Most people stumble over the truth, now and then, but they usually
manage to pick themselves up and go on, anyway." - Winston Churchill

The Mahatma Gandhi was once asked, "Mr Gandhi, what do
you think of Western Civilization?" He replied, "I think
that it would be an excellent idea."

"Dying's easy...comedy's hard." - Nell Gwyn

'Only Six computers will ever be sold in the commercial market'
Howard Aiken (The designer of the first IBM computer)

"When my species comes to rule this planet, your name will be
on the protected rolls." - Beldar Conehead

Nothing in the world can take the place of persistence. Talent will
not; nothing is more common than unsuccessful men with talent. Genius
will not; unrewarded genius is almost a proverb. Education alone will
not; the world is full of educated derelicts. Persistence and
determination alone are omnipotent. - Calvin Coolidge

"Love and a cough cannot be hid" Francis Bacon

"What this country needs is less people telling us what this
country needs"

"No sooner does man discover intelligence than he tries
to involve it in his own stupidity." - Jacques Cousteau

"AI has completely changed the cow."

Under the Southern Cross I stand,
A can of Fosters in my hand,
A native of my native Land,
Australia, you f###### beauty!
- The Australian Cricket Team Chant (or so I heard)

"The game of croquet, to which I have given such a large portion
of my life, fuses so many different elements: competition, a fine
eye, a sharp mind, a firm stroke, a large amount of patience,
ability to plan ahead and, by no means the least, a control of
one's temper." - Jack R. Osborn

The man who follows the crowd will usually get no further than the
crowd. The man who walks alone is likely to find himself in places
no one has ever been. -- Alan Ashley-Pitt

"For three days after death, hair and fingernails continue to
grow but phone calls taper off."

"As the most participatory form of mass speech yet developed,
the Internet deserves the highest protection from government
intrusion," - the three-judge panel that issued a preliminary
injuction blocking as unconstitutional the Communications
Decency Act.

"Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable
from a rigged demo." - Thom DeCarlo

"Object-oriented programming is an exceptionally bad idea which
could only have originated in California." --Edsger Dijkstra

"The most ineffective workers are systematically moved to the place
where they can do the least damage - MANAGEMENT" - The Dilbert Principle

"If you're not very clever you should be conciliatory."
- Benjamin Disraeli

Fred: "May I rescue you?"
Ginger: "No, thank you. I prefer being in distress."
- `Top Hat,' RKO 1935

"Paradigm shifting without a clutch" - Dogbert

"We humans are a curious sort...
Little girls like dolls and little boys like soldiers.
When we grow up, women like soldiers and men like dolls."
- Monee C. Kidd

"Have the gentleman to haul and draw with the mariner." - Francis Drake

"The man who never dreams, goes slowly mad." -Thomas Dolby

If DSS is a flop, you can always use that 19" dish as a bird
bath, discus, snow sled, chinese hat, hub cap, salad bowl....
Now thats Multimedia!

I bought this book called "Java Programming for Dummies" and
I am completely lost.

"Courage is the price that life exacts for granting peace"
- Amelia Earhart

"The value of an idea lies in the using of it." - Thomas Edison

"What sculpture is to a block of marble,
education is to a human soul" - Joseph Addison

"The intuitive mind is a sacred gift and the rational mind is a faithful
servant. We have created a society that honors the servant and has
forgotten the gift." - Albert Einstein.

Make no friendship with an elephant keeper
unless you have room to entertain an elephant.

"I suppose some editors are failed writers, but so are
most writers." - T. S. Elliot

"If life was fair, Elvis would be alive and the Elvis
impersonators would be dead." - Johnny Carson

"I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who endowed us
with sense, reason and intellect has intended us to forgo their use."
-- Galileo Galilei

"A mathematician is a device for turning coffee into theorems."
-- Paul Erdos

"The only real voyage of discovery consists not in seeking new
landscapes but in having new eyes." - Marcel Proust

"Show me a thoroughly satisfied man, and I will show you a failure."
-Thomas A. Edison

"Being famous has its benefits, but fame isn't one of them."
- Larry Wall

"Fanaticism consists of redoubling your efforts when you have
forgotten your aim." - George Santayana

"Reality is for people who can't handle fantasy."

"If you eat less and live longer, over time you'll
have eaten just as much." - Michael Feldman

"Stocks are now at what looks like a permanent high plateau" -- noted
economist Irving Fisher, 2 weeks before the 1929 stock market crash

"There's a fine line between fishing and
standing on the shore like an idiot." - Steven Wright

"Be regular and orderly in your life so that you may be violent
and original in your work." - Gustave Flaubert

A fool and his money are...Hey! Where's my wallet?

"Football exemplifies the worst features of American life:
it's violence punctuated by committee meetings."--George Will

Chris
(Bride of Frank)

"I feel that true freedom lies within, where I shall never find it."
-- John S. Hall

"Free will is located in or near the anterior cingulate sulcus."
- Francis Crick

"A friend is someone who sees through you, and still
enjoys the view" - Wilma Askinas

"My friends, we are all interested in the future, for that is
where you and I are going to spend the rest of our lives."

Sagredo (Galileo Galilei) "You present these recondite matters with
too much evidence and ease; this great facility makes them less
appreciated than they would be had they been presented in a more
abstruse manner." Two New Sciences

"If you look around the table and you don't know who
the sucker is, its you."

You can't win.
You can't break even.
You can't even quit the game.

"First they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they
attack you. And then you win." - Gandhi

"And to this day it still thrills me to know that if I can get
the program right it will always work perfectly, every time,
just the way I told it to." - Bill Gates

"I was an atheist, until I found out I was God."

"Blood is a special kind of juice" - Goethe

In 1912 an American enthusiast made golfing history, when
she took 166 strokes over a 130-yard hole.
During the qualifying round of the Shawnee Invitational for
Ladies at Shawnewe-on-Delaware, Pennsylvania, she confidently
approached the sixteenth hole for which four strokes were
normally adequate. Her first shot, however, sent the ball into the
Binniekill River, an obstacle which many would regard as final.
When she saw that it floated she boarded a rowing boat, with
her husband at the oars and herself at the prow, wielding a golf
club. For one and a half miles her husband rowed and kept count
of the occasions upon which she had cause to swipe at it.
Eventually, she beached the thing and made her way back
through a forest. Fellow competitors had given up hope of ever
seeing her again, when they heard the cry of 'fore' and saw the
ball fly on the green from a totally unexpected direction. She
completed the hole in just under two hours.

"Government is not suggestion nor persuasion, it is force...and force
is violence. ...When you advocate any government action, you first
must believe that violence is the best answer to the question at hand."
-- Laws of the Jungle, by Allen Thornton

"I was gratified to be able to answer promptly,
and I did. I said I didn't know." Mark Twain

"If I have made myself clear, you must have misunderstood me."
- Alan Greenspan

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#22565 - 04/03/02 02:59 PM Re: Misc. Quotes (Any Topic)
Jalapeņo Offline
Star Member

Registered: 11/04/00
Posts: 5712
2 quotes I've seen recently on the internet:

"Thou shalt never weigh more than thy refrigerator." ;\)

"Age doesn't matter unless you're a cheese." \:D

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#22566 - 04/18/02 05:50 PM Re: Misc. Quotes (Any Topic)
Carole Offline
Star Member

Registered: 06/08/00
Posts: 2229
Loc: southern California
Politically correct statements for the 20th Century:
Your bedroom isn't cluttered, it's just "passage restrictive".
Kids don't get grounded anymore. They just hit "social speedbumps."
You're not late, you just have a "rescheduled arrival time."
You are not having a bad hair day, you're suffering from "rebellious follicle syndrome."
No one is tall anymore, they're "vertically enhanced."
You're not shy, you're "conversationally selective."
You don't talk alot. You are just "abundantly verbal."
It's not called gossip anymore, It's the "speedy transmission of near-factual information."
And for students:
The food in the cafeteria isn't awful, it's "digestively challenged."
No one fails a class anymore, he's "passing impaired."
These days a student isn't lazy, he's "energetially declined."
Your homework isn't missing, it's having an "out of notebook experience."
You're not sleeping in class, you're "rationing consciousness."
You don't have smelly socks, you have "odor retentive athletic footwear."
You weren't passing notes in class, you were participating in the "discreet exchange of penned meditations."
You are not going to the principal's office, you are going to a "mandatory field trip to the administration building." \:D

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