Musical Jokes

Posted by: Carole

Musical Jokes - 04/30/01 07:30 PM

Ok, I have decided that we (the students and I) will tell some musical jokes at our recital this Sat. Just something different and to relieve a little stress. I have found a few in the Piano Explorer magazines but thought you all might have some good ones. Cleans ones please!!!! \:D
Posted by: kathy

Re: Musical Jokes - 04/30/01 07:50 PM

A Hollywood producer wanted to make a film about some of the great composers. He asked Tom Cruise which composer he'd like to portray. Tom said, "I'll be Mozart." The producer asked Harrison Ford, who said "I'll be Beethoven." The producer contacted Arnold Schwarzenegger, who said, "I'll be Bach." heeheeheehee

Here's another one (slightly crude).
Q: Why isn't Mozart composing songs any more?
A: He's decomposing.
Posted by: sdps

Re: Musical Jokes - 04/30/01 10:22 PM

Q: Why did Beethoven hate chickens?

A: They always say, "Bach, Bach, Bach!"
Posted by: sdps

Re: Musical Jokes - 04/30/01 10:24 PM

Did someone say crude?

Q: What do you get when you drop a piano down a mine shaft?

A: Ab min (A flat minor)
Posted by: sdps

Re: Musical Jokes - 04/30/01 10:25 PM

Not a joke but kinda cute...

Never B b
Sometimes B #
Always B natural!
Posted by: Jalapeņo

Re: Musical Jokes - 05/01/01 08:55 AM

Here are some jokes from the Piano Explorer magazine:

What's black and white and black and white and black and white?
A piano falling down stairs.

Should you write music on an empty stomach or a full stomach?
Neither; you should write it on paper.

Why did the conductor tell Rachmaninoff to slow down when he played?
He was Russian. (rushing)

Which composer do you take shopping?
Liszt (list)

What raised the musician's car insurance?

What's black and white and red all over?
a sun-burned piano.
Posted by: Lisa Kalmar

Re: Musical Jokes - 05/01/01 09:19 AM

Posted by: allegra

Re: Musical Jokes - 05/01/01 09:57 AM

Which composers do you need before you go shopping? A Chopin Liszt

I like the joke about the car insurance.

\:D \:D
Posted by: Jalapeņo

Re: Musical Jokes - 05/01/01 10:13 AM

What do you call a piano teacher who can't resist buying New Releases, CDs, reference books, & teaching aids/games but is having trouble recruiting more students?

Posted by: AdrienneM

Re: Musical Jokes - 05/01/01 11:42 AM

A man went to the local piano dealer to buy a piano. He looked at several name-brand models, and the prices were far too high for the man's budget. Then he found one that was priced to steal! Curious, he played a few short pieces. Not only was it priced right, but it sounded GREAT.

The man asked, "Is this REALLY the price for this fabulous piano??"

The salesman replied, "Yep. All sales final, no returns."

"What is the name of the manufacturer?"

The salesman replied, "It's an Opper-Knockity."

The man had never heard of this brand, but amazed at his good fortune, he wrote a check on the spot and had the piano delivered to his house.

Several months passed.

The piano was sounding rather bad and the man decided to call the dealership to see about having the piano tuned.

After looking up the customer file, the salesman replied, "I'm sorry sir, but we won't be able to send anyone. You see, Opper-Knockity only tunes once."

[My Dad told me this one years ago, probably better than I have here. My apologies for the groaner!] :rolleyes:
Posted by: Janice

Re: Musical Jokes - 05/01/01 12:09 PM

Love it! \:D
Posted by: kathy

Re: Musical Jokes - 05/01/01 12:49 PM

\:D \:D \:D \:D
Maybe we piano teachers sometimes live too dull a life--but these were cracking me up! I'm glad someone posted about the piano and the mine shaft, because I was going nuts trying to remember that one! I also like Opper-Knockity!! \:D \:D \:D \:D kathy
PS Carole, I'm curious, when will you have the students tell these jokes. Individually, right before each student plays, or what? (I may steal your idea in the future!) Best wishes at your recital!!!!
Posted by: Carole

Re: Musical Jokes - 05/01/01 01:28 PM

Oh, these are TERRIFIC! Keep 'em comin'! Thanks, Kathy. I think I will have them each tell theirs when it's their turn to play. First,they'll go to the microphone, tell the joke and then, as they are going to the piano, I will give my little talk about them. So far, only one has said they didn't want to do it and that was a teenager. Of course, they don't have to. It's all in the spirit of fun and to lighten the nerves. The whole idea my fall flat. After all, most of these require a little knowledge of music and composers. Some people may not get it, but hopefully they will laugh anyway! ;\) I was thinking too, in the program, I may have a little matching quiz-draw a line from a famous work to its composer. My son says that will clutter it up and look stupid. Maybe he's right, but I thought while they are all sitting there waiting to start, it would be something to do.
Posted by: sdps

Re: Musical Jokes - 05/01/01 01:42 PM

A word search might be more "do-able" for the typical non-musician.
Posted by: Jason

Re: Musical Jokes - 05/01/01 07:02 PM

Q: How do you know if a drummer is at your door?

A: The knocking speeds up

Q: How do you know if a soprano is at your door?

A: She can't find the key and doesn't know when to come in.

Q: How can you tell if the stage is level?

A: The violists drool out of both sides of their mouths.

(I know LOTS of viola jokes - my girlfriend is a violist.)

Q: Why did Mussorgsky throw away the drafts of his first three operas?

A: Because they weren't "Godunov!"

(An original joke made up by my roommate at Aspen - Brian Stanley - he made me promise to give him credit whenever I used it.)
Posted by: OKMusician

Re: Musical Jokes - 05/13/01 04:35 PM

Okay, who wants to 'fess up to trying to build their studio with deceptive means??? \:D I must admit, it's a method of advertising I never considered!!
Posted by: Anna Cruces

Re: Musical Jokes - 05/13/01 05:50 PM

Three composers whose names you can teach your dog:
1. Bach
2. Orff
3. Bartok
Posted by: Carole

Re: Musical Jokes - 05/13/01 06:59 PM

Great jokes! OK Musician, you should send that one to Jay Leno. He has a segment (if you don't watch him) on funny ads and so on. I like the dog joke too. I'll file these away for next year.